


When he's okay, then I'm alright

by Abbypd



Series: When he's okay than I'm alright [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 08:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2460845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abbypd/pseuds/Abbypd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Please don’t go, please, what if you…”<br/>“I won’t. I promise.” Ashton spoke before Luke got the change to finish his sentence. He gently kissed his husband, but the sadness didn’t go away. Luke kept thinking of how this could be their last kiss, their last moment together.<br/>“You better come back to me Ash. I swear to god if you don’t I’ll…”<br/>“I know baby. I know.’’ Ashton kissed him, cutting him off once again.</p><p>Or where Ashton goes crab fishing and Luke has to wait for his return.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When he's okay, then I'm alright

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know why but I got the inspiration from the song ‘nothing really matters’ from mr probz (don’t know if u guys know him, he’s Dutch.) It’s a gorgeous song and I played it non stop while writing this :) Go look it up.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry if I made any mistakes, its late but i really wanted to upload it now.
> 
> Let me know what you think :)

Two blonde young men walked the street, their hands intertwined and their body’s so close, they occasionally bumped into each other. Both boys had their head hanging low, staring at their shoes while they walked in silence. Luke knew perfectly well this day would come but it didn’t really change much. There was no way he could’ve prepared himself for this.

“Do you really have to go Ash?” Luke squeezed his eyes shut, just for a second, not wanting to hear the answer he already knew.

“Yes Lukey, I’m sorry, but it pays so well, I don’t have to work for another four months if I go. This job is dangerous, I know that, but it means I only have to work for two weeks, three times a year. Besides, I never graduated; I don’t really have a choice.”

The taller of the two sighed.

“But I’ve got a job, we can manage.”

“No, I don’t want you to work for the two of us. Maybe I’ll search for another job once I’m back, but the wedding was so expensive baby, we’ve run out of money.”

The couple came to a halt once they’d reached the boat. Luke turned around so he was facing his newly wed husband.

“Please don’t go, please, what if you…”

“I won’t. I promise.” Ashton spoke before Luke got the change to finish his sentence. He gently kissed his husband, but the sadness didn’t go away. Luke kept thinking of how this could be their last kiss, their last moment together.

“You better come back to me Ash. I swear, if you don’t I’ll…”

“I know baby. I know.’’ Ashton kissed him, cutting him off once again.

Luke could feel tears welling up in his eyes, he really didn’t want to think of all the possibilities but he couldn’t stop himself. The older boy noticed, and he moved his thumb across the boy’s cheek, wiping away the first tear that fell.

 

“Yo, Irwin! We need to go! Say goodbye to lover boy now!” It was Calum; Luke had met him a few times before. The fishermen really were a group of family, instead of co-workers; they spent an awful lot of time together. Luke really loved that though, loved to know that every single person on that boat was looking out for his Ashton.

“I love you. I always will. I am so, _so_ sorry for leaving you like this but I _promise_ I’ll be back. I’ll always come back.”

The two young men kissed one last time. The kiss was passionate, needy. The two wouldn’t see each other for fourteen whole days – an awful long time for newlyweds.

It was the first time Ashton was going away since they were married, and he had only gone away two times since they started dating. He had had another job before this one, and Luke had been so mad at him when he told him he was going to go crab fishing. It was the most dangerous job in the world for fuck’s sake.

Ashton was the first to break the kiss apart, for he heard his name being shouted another time.

“I have to go now baby. I love you. I’ll text you whenever I get the change.”

Luke pressed a haste kiss to Ashton’s lips one last time, and watched as he got on board. He sighed heavily and walked towards the beach that was near the harbour. Though his thick jacket couldn’t protect him from the icing wind, he still sat down in the cold sand and he watched the boat. It took more than an hour before the boat was out of eyesight, and then Luke sat there another thirty minutes, just thinking. Another three tears left his eyes, and he angrily wiped them away. Crying wasn’t going to bring Ashton back home.

“You’re Luke right?” an unfamiliar voice suddenly said.

Luke got on his feet and turned around, only to be met with a boy with blue hair. He had seen him before, once. The blonde couldn’t recall where he had seen him though.

“Yes. I’m sorry, your name must have slipped my mind I’m afraid.” Luke smiled faintly.

“It’s okay. I’m Michael, Calum’s fiancé.”

“Ah, you were at the wedding. I’m sorry; I’ve seen a lot of unfamiliar faces that night!”

“As I said, it’s okay.” The blue-haired boy smiled.

The two boys stood in silent for a while, both their eyes on the horizon where the boat had just disappeared.

“Want to go get a drink? Those two weeks will go by a lot faster if you try and occupy yourself.”

“Sure.”

 

\---

 

“So, how many times has Ashton been away?” Michael asked right before taking a sip of his beer.

“This is his third time. First since the wedding. And Calum?”

“I think this is his sixth time. Doesn’t get any easier though, I can tell you that.” The boy sighed, his eyes staring at the wooden table in the café, which had some carvings in it.

The two of them fell into a silence once again, but it wasn’t awkward at all. It was nice being with someone who was in the same boat – not literal though -, who understand perfectly well how Luke felt.

“So, tell me about you and Ashton? I was at your wedding indeed, but I don’t really know much about the two of you, only the things Calum had told me.”

“Me and Ashton? Where to begin?” Luke took a sip of his beer while he thought.

“I met Ash when I was sixteen, he was eighteen and in his last year of High School. I had just moved to Alaska, and I had no friends. Our story is a bit cliché I’m afraid, we bumped into each other in the hallways, he helped me picking up my stuff and he started mumbling apologies. We started chatting a bit, and that was it. I thought he was hot, obviously, but he was quite popular, he was the captain of the football team. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I was always staring at him.” The blonde boy smiled at the memories.

“He had obviously thought about me as well though, because he invited me to a party on day, out of nowhere. We had never spoken, except for that one time. At the party, he just started chatting with me, outside on the porch. It was really cold so he gave me his jacket. We spent the whole night on that porch. Things kinda snowballed from there, he asked me out on a date, and I knew from that very moment that I wanted to spend the rest of my live with him. Things were perfect, I got along with his friends really well. He was really good at football, so he just had to keep his grades the way they were and he’d get a scholarship. There were some problems at home though, so his dad left and he had to take care of the family. He worked two jobs, so he couldn’t keep his grades up. He didn’t get the scholarship and because he knew he could never pay for collage himself, nor could his mum, he dropped out of school to take care of the family. I graduated a little while later and went to uni. I got a job right after my graduation, and he went crab fishing for the first time so we could buy our own apartment. I really didn’t like it, he didn’t either actually, but it really was a lot of money. After the second time, he proposed and we got married. That’s basically our story. I really want him to go to night school or whatever though, because I know he could easily graduate and get a good job, one that isn’t this dangerous and still pays enough to pay the bills…” Luke’s smile slowly disappeared when he got to the end. He never cared about money, but he really didn’t want Ashton on that boat.

Michael nodded, obviously understanding exactly why Luke wanted Ashton to search for another job.

“And you and Calum?”

Michael started smiling.

“Calum and I have been friends since day one. Our moms are friends, so I really can’t remember a live without Calum. We grew up together basically. His father forced him to become a lawyer, so he did. He just doesn’t like that kind of work at all, so he decided to go fishing. He likes the adventure he said. I really want him to quit as well; become a lawyer or whatever he wants to be, as long as it’s safe.”

“But enough with the sad chatter, we should help each other up in times of need. How about we go to the cinema or whatever tomorrow?” Luke would’ve frowned at the stranger’s request, if it hadn’t been so sweet of him. The blonde boy felt connected to Michael in some way, and he really didn’t have much better to do the next day. And some distraction would be nice, he figured.

“Sure. Let me give you my number.”

 

\---

 

Falling asleep that very first night wasn’t easy. It never was when Ashton wasn’t in bed with him. The bed felt way too big, way too empty.

It also didn’t really help that he had received a text from his husband, telling him he missed him and that everything was going great so far.

Luke’s fingers played with the golden ring around his right ring finger, a habit of his whenever he missed Ashton.

The boy turned around in his bed once again, trying to think of other things. He tried to think of his work, and his night with Michael tomorrow, tried to think of anything but Ashton, not even about their past together.

It took him another hour of twisting and turning in his bed before he finally dozed off.

 

\---

 

It was Saturday, and it had been two days since Ashton had left. Luke honestly had an amazing night yesterday with Michael. They had seen a movie about superhero’s Luke normally wouldn’t have watched, but Michael had wanted to, so they did. It actually seemed a great idea, since it had the least romance in it possible. Luke could tell Michael had been some rough weeks way too many times. He seemed to be great at avoiding certain subjects and certain movies in order not to think of Calum too much. He actually had given Luke some tips how to deal with this all, and Luke had really appreciated it, though he was sure it was never going to work. He couldn’t deal with Ashton being away, that was all he knew. He felt silly for relying on someone so much, but the golden haired boy was his husband, his future, his whole universe. Luke couldn’t think of a world without his Ashton, knew for sure he couldn’t live in one.

“I know how you feel, but you need to try to let it go. Don’t think about him dying or whatever, it doesn’t change a thing and he’s probably not going to. I mean, with radars and helicopters and shit like that, this job has gotten a lot safer over the years. You can’t change fate by pondering you know.” Michael had smiled at him and for a minute Luke had wondered whether Michael said it to Luke or to himself.

 

Now Luke was at his parents’ house, his nephew was there too. The little guy was seated in his lap and he had taken Luke’s thumb into his tiny hand, playing with it while the adults chatted. No one said a word about Ashton, because everybody simply knew Luke didn’t want to talk about it.

Luke found himself staring at the little kid quite a few times. He had always wanted kids of his own, Ashton as well. They had talked about adoption only once, but Luke knew it was going to happen one day. The blonde boy had one condition though; no fishing or going away when the baby’s there, no matter how much it pays.

Luke didn’t really listen to the conversation anymore; his nephew was distracting him too much. It was easy to be jealous of the little kid; he didn’t have a worry in the world. Luke knew he’d kill for that.

 

The afternoon flew by, thanks to his nephew, and Luke was very thankful when his mum asked him to stay for dinner. Luke hated making dinner for one, and he really liked his mum’s home cooked meals.

 

\---

 

Not thinking of Ashton was something Luke could never do. He simply couldn’t, he knew that. Luckily for him, he managed to freak out a bit less, think about the great times with Ashton instead of already planning on a life without him. Ashton actually was the cause of that, along with Michael, for Ashton texted him every single day at least twice.

 

**_Ashton:_ ** _Everything is still going great babe, weve caught a lot and the weather is really good for this time of year. Ill be home before u know it!_

 

Luke smiled down at his phone. Only nine days. Nine days and his husband would be home, safe in his arms.

 

Luke decided to go to momma Irwin that day. She opened the door and pulled the boy into a tight hug.

“Lukey, I’m so glad you’re here! How’s our boy doing out there?”

“Great. He’s great.” Luke smiled widely. He had never expected to handle this all so well.

His mother in law served him tea and some cookies and they chatted about Ashton the entire time; it didn’t bother Luke anymore.

Luke had always liked Ashton’s mum, the house had felt like home, even after her husband had left. She and Ashton had worked very hard to make that house a home again, for themselves and for Lauren and Harry.

“Luke!” Harry walked into the living room, throwing his bag carelessly on an empty chair.

He walked over to his brother in law and hugged him.

“How’s Ashton?” Luke smiled at the teenager.

“He’s doing very well from what I’ve heard. What about you?”

 

Lauren joined the group a bit later, and though Luke missed the older brother member, time still flew by really fast.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?”

“No, I am sorry ma’am, but I promised Michael to visit him.”

“Michael is Calum’s fiancé, we met the day Ashton left.” Luke explained, once he realized Ashton’s family probably didn’t know who Michael was.

“Ah, Michael. Ashton has told me about him once. I heard he’s really nice.”

“He is. We spent quite some time together to get through these two weeks. I seriously wouldn’t have left my bed if it wasn’t for Michael I’m afraid.”

“I’m really glad you two have found each other.” Lauren smiled genuinely.

“I have to go to.. Danny and I are celebrating our first anniversary today.” The young woman smile grew wider, just like Ashton’s always does.

 

\---

 

“Ah, that’ll be our pizza.” Luke had never seen Michael getting up from the couch that fast before, but he had already found out Michael would do about anything for pizza.

The two of them soon settled on the couch to watch a movie. They were cuddled up together; Luke couldn’t help but feel as if they had known each other for years. The two young men had planned on spending the night and their next day together, since they both had the day off, and they could both use some company.

“Only eight days left when we wake up.” Michael mumbled sleepily. Luke was fighting to keep his eyes open as well; he wasn’t very interested in the movie. His head was resting on Michael’s shoulder, with Michael’s head on top of Luke’s.

Luke concentrated on the older lad’s breathing, and before he knew it, they were both sound asleep on the couch, Luke luckily in a dreamless sleep for the first time in five days.

 

The two boys woke up in the middle of the night from the sound of their mobile phones. Both Calum and Ashton had sent a text.

“A text at three A.M., that can’t be good.” Luke worriedly spoke as he opened the message with trembling hands.

 

**_Ashton:_ ** _There’s a storm coming up. Wanted u to hear it from me instead of someone else. I don’t know if I can call or text u in the next couple of days. Don’t worry, the captain said it probably isn’t too big of a storm. Love u lots, always. See you in eight days. Xxxxx_

The blonde boy let himself fall back on the couch, his phone carelessly thrown on the table. Michael mimicked his action only seconds later, his face even paler than usual. Luke was pretty sure he looked the same.

“I’ve had one of those before…” Michael said after a long and painful silence.

“Calum was alright, but three men ended up in the hospital. They all got out alive.”

Luke knew Michael was letting something out, but he didn’t ask. He didn’t want to know.

“Should I call his family?” the younger boy asked, since this had happened to Michael before.

“Yeah, but not now. You might freak them out a bit too much if you call in the middle of the night.

 

The two men didn’t sleep after that.

 

\---

 

“Anne Marie? Hi.”

 

_“Hi love. What’s up?”_

“I got a text from Ash.”

 

_“What’s wrong? Did something happen? Is he okay?”_

 

The panic in the woman’s voice resembled the panic in Luke’s heart.

“Yeah, he’s okay.” Luke managed to sound relaxed.

“There’s a storm coming up, but the captain has everything under control. He just wanted us to know it from him instead of the news.”

 

_“Oh my... I will pray for his save return.”_

“Yeah, I will do the same.” Luke breathed out.

 

_“Thanks for calling me.”_

“You’re welcome. Bye”

 

Luke wasn’t sure if he should’ve said more, should’ve talked about it with his mother in law but he really didn’t know what to say. He had no words to describe how he felt, and it still seemed as if he hadn’t processed it completely.

 

\---

 

Two days had passed since the text message, and Luke nor Michael had heard from their boys. There were only six days left, but now it felt like years. Luke was a ball of panic; he had called in sick from work because he couldn’t concentrate on anything anymore. Everyone around him told him he was dumb for not going to work, for staying home with nothing to do but think. His mum visited him almost every night to make sure he was okay, but he spend most of his time with Michael.

 

The blonde boy had trouble eating and sleeping, and he walked around the house with big bags beneath his eyes. Michael looked the exact same, exhaustion wearing them both out.

 

“We should do something, get our minds of things. Do you like FiFa?”

Luke nodded, a smile appearing on his lips. Though it was a rather small one, it was a smile nonetheless.

The boys played game after game, even though the eldest won every single round. It was a better distraction than movies or music or whatever.

They spend their whole day like that. They had ordered pizza in the night (pizza seemed to be the only thing they could swallow nowadays) but they both didn’t finish it.

Luke knew for sure, if Ashton returned home save, he was never ever letting him go again.

 

Luke’s phone was the first to go off, late at night, and he sprinted towards it. He put it on speaker immediately.

 

“Hello?”

 

_“Luke Irwin?”_

 

“Yes.”

 

_“We don’t want to alarm you but we still wanted you to know that the boat your husband is on is in quite a heavy storm and we lost all contact. We’re doing everything we can to fix it, we’re sending a helicopter to search for them but the weather isn’t ideal for a helicopter either. We will call you as soon as we know anything.”_

 

“O-okay.”

 

_“I am very sorry sir. If there is anything we can do, or if you just want to talk, you can always call us.”_

 

“Thanks.” Luke hung up the phone without another word. He could feel his heart drop.

 

Michael got the exact same phone call only minutes later.

 

“I’m going for a walk.” Luke left the house before Michael even got the change to respond. He walked straight to the beach. He sat down at the same spot he had been eight days ago. His finger wrote words into the sand until there was no room left within his reach. He was surrounded by Ashton’s name, tears rolling down his cheeks while he stared at the pitch black horizon. Michael sat down next to him, not even thirty minutes later. They didn’t speak. Luke knew Michael would come to find him eventually, and he really appreciated that. All Luke could hear were the waves, some seagulls and his own rapid heartbeat, which sped up with every single thought.

It was official now. Ashton was in trouble. It wasn’t a minor storm, it was a heavy storm, and who knew if he’d see his husband ever again. Luke had a hard time controlling his breathing, he really wanted to stop all the thoughts, wanted to fall asleep, only to wake up to Ashton smiling down at him, telling him he was home safe.

After a little while, the sound of Michael’s sobs joined in. The blonde turned to look at him; his eyes were closed and his hands were folded together.

“Please bring them back, please bring them back.” The boy whispered repeatedly, and Luke truly was touched by that. His right hand found the man’s left and he closed his eyes as well.

He hadn’t prayed in ages, not since people in his church had told him that being gay was abomination and that God hated fags. Luke had been so angry, at the people who had said that, at the church and at God. But now Ashton and Calum and all those other men were in need, and there was nothing Luke could do to help them. Luke really hoped God was going to listen to him, since he had been so angry, but his mum had always told him that God would forgive him if he asked.

 

_‘Dear God. I am so sorry for everything I said and thought about you. I should’ve never done that, I know you don’t hate me, I know you’re nothing like that. But I was so angry God._

_Please, please, bring me my Ashton back; he’s too young to go God. Please, bring Calum back, and all the other innocent men on that boat. If you’re mad at me, God, please punish me, kill me, instead of Ashton. I can’t live without him. Please!’_

 

Luke had always found it a bit hypocrite when people only prayed to God when they needed him, but now he understood. He needed God now more than anything.

 

\---

 

Three days had gone by, and there still was no sign of the boat and its crew. Luke, his family and Ashton’s family were slowly losing hope. They were all together in Anne Marie’s house. They had just prayed together and Luke was staring into nothing while some people talked to each other in hushed tones.

“Luke, honey.” His mother started doubtful.

“Maybe we should prepare for the worse now.” The woman said, Anne Marie placing her hand on the boy’s shoulder. Luke knew what she meant. He knew she wanted him to get ready for a funeral or whatever, to get the papers ready.

“No!” Luke yelled, earning everyone’s attention.

“No! Never! He said he’d come back. He promised.”

Harry started crying at that, something Luke had never seen before.

“He’ll come back.” Luke repeated, wiping at his eyes.

“He said he’ll always come back.”

His mother sighed, but she let it go. She knew she’d react the exact same way if it were her husband who was on a lost ship.

Luke watched as Lauren wrapped an arm around her younger brother. It broke his heart a little bit more; for as far that was possible, that is.

 

Luke was sitting on the floor, an old photobook Of Anne Marie in his lap. Lauren was on his left and Harry on his right. It were all kinds of pictures in chronological order. They started out with pictures of his birth, and Luke couldn’t help but think his husband had been the most beautiful baby he had ever seen. Ashton was only a year old in the next pictures, yet Luke could recognize his eyes and his smile, with dimples and all.

The longer they sat there, the older Ashton got in the pictures, and it didn’t take long before the boy was proudly holding his baby sister. Lauren smiled a sad smile at that.

When they came to the pictures of high school Ashton, Luke actually recognized him from his memories, and he let his finger slide over the boy’s face. He had seen the photos many times before, but they suddenly were much dearer to him than ever. The last album consisted of pictures of Luke and Ashton together, from their first few dates until the marriage.

“Maybe you should put that away baby. They’re not helping you, it’s only hurting you, I can see it.”

“No. I can’t be with him; this is the only thing that makes me feel close to him. Who knows what he is going through right now.”

Liz opened her mouth, but closed it again, deciding this wasn’t the time.

Luke kept staring at one picture in particular, the picture that was made when they were standing at the isle, holding each other’s right hand when they were saying I do. In that very moment, they promised each other they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, through sickness and health, until dead would part them. Luke tried to gulp, tried to get rid of the lump in his throat, but it was of no use.

He wasn’t ready to lose Ashton, not yet. He was promised so many great years with the man, it was so unfair to lose him now, like this. What if Ashton died on that boat and his body would never be found.

Luke got up from his spot on the ground, and ran straight for the toilet, where he emptied his stomach completely.

“He’ll be back.” Lauren’s voice sounded hoarse. She rubbed soothing circles into her brother in law’s back, it didn’t really work the way it should though.

“I don’t know about that anymore. It’s been five days, we haven’t heard from him, and the helicopters couldn’t even fly above the area they had last been spotted because of the wind. What makes you think they’re actually going to come back?” Luke spoke bitterly, knowing this hurt Lauren just as much as it did him.

“You can’t lose hope Luke. Not yet.” She shook her head while she spoke. She seemed disappointed in the young man, and Luke figured she had every right to be.

“Sorry.” Luke let his head fall, his hands covering his eyes. He was so tired, so hopeless.

“It’s okay. Do you want me to stay with you tonight?”

“Yes please.”

 

\---

 

Luke let Lauren sleep in his bed, he didn’t really care. Lauren and he had always been close, and there wasn’t anything weird about it since he was gay. They were practically sisters.

Luke was on his back, Lauren cuddled up against him, her arm way too small to feel like Ashton’s on his chest.

“You’re so strong Luke.” Lauren said out of nowhere.

“What?” he mumbled.

“How you’re dealing with this all. You think you’re a mess, and maybe in some way, you are. But a lot of people would’ve been a lot worse if they were in your shoes. I’m so proud of you Lukey. You stay strong, for us.”

“I’ve been crying all afternoon.”

“You tried to hide it. And you didn’t cry as much as the rest of us. You are, besides me and Harry, the only one who still believes in his return. Harry needs that, I need that.”

“I couldn’t do this without the two of you either, you know. I would’ve lost all hope if it weren’t for you.”

“I don’t believe that. You’re strong. Just like Ash. He’ll make it.”

The two stayed silent for a little while. Luke thought Lauren had fallen asleep.

“Thank you.” He muttered, right before placing a kiss on top of her messy hair.

“No, thank you.” She mumbled back, her eyes closed.

 

Having someone sleeping so close to you apparently worked like magic, for Luke managed to sleep for four whole hours. The next day, Lauren had to go, so Luke played his guitar all day, the volume so high he couldn’t hear his own voice or thoughts.

“Hey, asshole!” Luke heard banging on the door when he took a pause to go to the toilet.

When he opened the door, he was met with his neighbour. Off course.

The man was almost fifty, and he actually was a very nice man, one who never got mad and never swore. Luke understood completely why he lost his temper though.

“I am sorry mister Martins.” The blonde’s lip was trembling as he said it. He hadn’t meant to bother his neighbours, he honestly hadn’t thought about it.

“I just…” he sighed. He knew his excuse was a lame one.

“What is it son?” the man asked kindly.

“I’m just going through a bit of a nasty time, to be honest. Ashton is gone and his boat is in a storm and I haven’t heard of him for a week and…” Luke stopped talking in order not to cry in front of the man.

“Oh, boy…” the man sighed.

“I am very sorry to hear that.”

“I will turn it down. I’m sorry.”

“If there is anything I can do for you.” Mister Martins offered, but Luke shook his head.

“I’m still waiting for news, whether it’s good or bad, I just need to know before I can let it rest.”

The man nodded.

“Well, you know where to find us.”

“Thanks.”

Luke awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, and the two men said their goodbye’s before the youngest closed the door.

 

\---

 

It was the day Ashton should’ve returned. Luke just got home from spending the afternoon with the two families together. He was exhausted; all the crying from the other people had drained him completely out. He hadn’t cried though. He had spent his time comforting the rest of Ashton’s loved ones. Maybe it was a bit selfish of him, but he felt like it should’ve been the other way around. Though losing a child or a brother was bad, he figured losing your soul mate was even worse.

Luke closed the door behind him, took four big steps towards the living room and sank down in front of the couch, his back leaning against it, his arms pulling his legs to his chest. All the thoughts he had tried to push away that day came back to him, and for the first time in two weeks, he really cried.

The last few days had consisted of some tears leaving his eyes and some soft sobbing, but in that moment, Luke broke. Tears were streaming down his face and his sobbing filled the entire room. Soon enough, his head hurt, but he couldn’t stop. Though things still weren’t official, it really felt like this was it, like it was over.

Luke’s wet hand pushed his hair back, keeping his hand on his forehead, hoping it could take his headache away. The boy was afraid he was having a panic attack, for he was out of breath from crying so hard. His heart was beating so fast, he was sure it was going to burst out of his torso. He didn’t really care if his heart stopped right then and there.

Luke didn’t hear the door open, nor did he hear the footsteps, his sobs were too loud, and his head was spinning.

Suddenly, a familiar hand placed itself on Luke’s shoulder, and for a moment he thought he was dreaming. Or maybe he was hallucinating; maybe he only felt it because he wanted to feel it.

When the blonde finally had the courage to look up, his blue eyes were met with green, both filled with tears and emotions.

“I told you I would come back. I always will.”

Luke wanted to get up from where he was seated, but he couldn’t. Ashton let himself fall down next to his husband and wrapped his arms around him, rocking the two of them back and forth.

“It’s okay, I’m home. Everything is fine.”

Luke cried impossibly harder at that, but this time, out of joy and relieve.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, Ashton rocking them the entire time, placing kisses on top of his sweaty hair the entire time.

“I love you. I love you so much. Don’t ever leave me again!” Luke moved so he was on his knees, Ashton mimicking him so that they were facing each other. The youngest grabbed Ashton’s face into his hands and kissed him passionately. He was so happy he could still do that.

“Don’t ever leave me again.” He repeated.

“Never. All I could think about was you. With everything that happened I thought about you. I had to go back to you, I had promised you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too baby. I’m never leaving you again.”

Luke felt like he had landed in some kind of sappy reality serie, but he really couldn’t care less. He had his Ashton back.

 

When the two had found the strength to lift themselves up a bit and sit down on the couch, their hands intertwined, Ashton looked Luke into the eyes.

“Calum is in the hospital. He’s probably not going to make it.”

Blue eyes grew big and stared into Ashton’s.

“Ash I am so sorry.”

Ashton didn’t respond.

“Fuck, Michael!”

Luke shot up from the couch.

“Michael?”

“Calum’s fiancé. We spent a lot of time together to get through the two weeks.” Luke hastily explained, grabbing his coat.

“Come on, we need to go to the hospital.”

“I can’t.” Ashton’s voice cracked.

“Why not?”

Ashton stared at his hands.

“Ashton?” Luke sat down in front of his husband again, lifting his head with his hand.

“He saved me. It should’ve been me.”

Luke honestly didn’t know what to say.

“He sacrificed himself for me.”

“You would’ve done the same if it were the other way around, he knows that.”

A small smile grew onto Ashton’s face, but his dimples didn’t show and the tears were still in his eyes.

“Come on. He needs you know, as does Michael.”

 

\---

 

“Are you family?”

“Yes.”

The nurse looked the two blonde men up and down, but decided to let them in the room.

“Mike?” Luke placed his hand on Michael’s shoulder. His face was pale, and his eyes as red as his freshly dyed hair.

Michael threw himself in the taller boy’s arms, burying his face into his neck. The older boy’s cheeks were wet, and Luke rubbed circles into his back. Luke truly did not understand how his friend could be so calm in a situation like this.

“I’m so happy for you.” Michael sobbed into his neck, muffling the sound.

“I’m so sorry for you.” Luke replied, not able to come up with a better answer.

Ashton joined the two hugging men shortly after.

“How’s he doing?” Luke asked as soon as they let each other go, his eyes on the boy in the hospital bed.

“Not good. The doctor said he probably won’t make it till tomorrow.”

Luke watched as Ashton sat down on a chair next to Calum’s bed, grabbing his cold hand, his thumb caressing his tan skin.

“Come on buddy, for us.” Ashton muttered.

 

The three young men stayed in the room for an hour, none of them even trying to get a conversation going. Ashton and Luke were both on one side of the bed, and Michael on the other. The red-haired boy whispered sweet nothings in the sleeping boy’s ear, kissing his cheek every now and then.

Ashton and Luke left the room when Calum’s family arrived, and they decided to visit their own family, for they hadn’t even called them yet to tell them Ashton was back safe and well.

 

\---

 

“Ashton is back!” Lauren yelled as she opened the door, immediately jumping into her big brother’s arms. Ashton giggled as he tried to walk into the house with his grown up sister in his arms. Luke knew his sibling could always cheer him up, no matter how tough times were.

“Ashton!” Harry yelled as he ran into his brother’s arms as soon as he had dropped Lauren carefully.

“Oh baby.” His mother cried with the biggest smile on her face Luke had ever seen. She kissed his forehead at least five times before finally letting him go.

“Let me get you some tea.” She hurried off into the kitchen, soon returning with five cups of tea.

“So…” she smiled.

“How are you baby?”

“I’m fine. It’s a bit of a double feeling, really. I’m really thankful to be home again…”

Luke squeezed Ashton’s knee.

“But Calum is in the hospital and the doctors say he’s probably not going to make it.”

“Oh sweetie…” She sighed.

“I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Ashton nodded. Luke kissed his cheeks, telling him without words he was there for him. Always.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a sequel :) go read it if you want to know what happened to Malum
> 
> Leave feedback,
> 
> Come find me on Tumblr:
> 
> Abbypd.tumblr.com


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